i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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