he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
