there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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