If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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