woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
