and she was petting her beer can
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
