Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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