You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this boner is exhausting
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize