I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
