I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
worst night to have a conscience
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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