You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
