It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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