Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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