Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you told grandpa to call you daddy
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
