honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
