Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Buhtt sex?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
