btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
