Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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