More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
