ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
