I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
