I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
