pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize