Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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