There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
