I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
