we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
