I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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