You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
