dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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