Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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