There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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