Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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