they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize