What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
