it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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