So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize