She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you told grandpa to call you daddy
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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