Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
