I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
