come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize