what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
