you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
