I think my fart just growled at me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
