you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
