New low: just hacked my moms facebook
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
