i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
