I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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