If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize