dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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