please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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