Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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