So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
