I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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