he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
