i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
