guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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