Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
