yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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