so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
