i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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