I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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