I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
