Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
