there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
