she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
