i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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