I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
