his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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