meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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