Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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