hotel room ftw
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
