11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
