I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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