oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
