My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
