Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
