apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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