turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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