I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
