peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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