this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
