My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
