dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize