Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
