I want to make a zoo with you.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
