pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
