I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
