I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
