i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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