We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
