So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
