like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
