Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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