God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
